Family Crises

My little sister was born on April 12, 2007. Within the first few months of her life, my mom noticed that her head was not growing normally; it was quite oddly shaped. The doctors discovered that she didn’t have a soft spot on her head which was causing her head to grow incorrectly. This is called craniosynostosis, and could ultimately lead to blindness, developmental disabilities, and other serious issues. 

In July of 2007, my little sister had to have a head surgery called an endoscopic strip craniotomy, where the surgeon cut out a strip of her skull about 2 inches x 6 inches. For the next year, she had to wear a custom fit helmet to protect her head in its fragile state. She had monthly appointments at Primary Children’s Hospital in Salt Lake City to check the status of her recovery. She had three or four different sized helmets during the year as her head continued to grow. My mom put a flower sticker on one of them because she couldn’t wear bows. 

This was a difficult time for our family and could be considered a family crisis. We had to learn how to deal with the stress of the surgery, the multiple doctor appointments and the overall worry for my baby sister. I remember feeling extremely fearful as we stayed with my grandparents the night before she was supposed to go into surgery. My parents were in Salt Lake, and we were staying in Menan, Idaho. I remember saying, “I wish it was me instead of her.” I wasn’t sure her little body would be okay with such a major operation. My grandma had to explain to me that because of her age, she would heal much quicker than I would in her situation. 

A family crisis can be defined by a combination of a stressor event, the resources of the family, and the attitude of the family towards the stressor. All of these things combine to form the crisis. In my family’s situation, the stressor event was my sister’s surgery and following recovery. We had various resources including the support of extended family. My dad’s job also allowed them to travel to Utah easily for the check-ups. While we worried about my sister, overall, we had an attitude of peace and gratitude for the blessing of health and modern medicine. 

Family crises can either help families grow and become stronger, or can cause them to become weaker. My family used this unfortunate situation as a growing experience. We became closer and our relationships were strengthened. My little sister is also much healthier now than she ever would have been without the surgery, and for that we are all grateful. 

Our reaction to one family crisis can influence how we approach following crises. If we only focus on the negative, we are worse off going into another trial than we would have been if we had focused on the positive that came from the situation.

Our family stressors are not often wished for or expected. How we react to them can ultimately define how they affect us. When we go through a difficult experience, it is common to ask, “Why me?” or “Why did you do this to me, God?” However, we would be much better off to ask, “What can I learn from this?” or “How will this make me a better person?” Developing this attitude in times of trial can be exceptionally difficult. People don’t often want to pass through trials and difficulties. It’s important to understand, however, that this life should be used to become the best we possibly can, and our best growth often happens when we experience trials.