Roles to Play and Rules to Follow

Theories are used to explain why something happens. The big bang theory, for example, is one way to explain how the universe came to be. The theory of evolution gives an explanation for where human life came from. 

Social scientists have various theories to explain family relationships. One of those theories is the family systems theory. The family systems theory is the idea that the family should be analyzed as a whole, and that the different members of the family system make each system different from another. Subsystems can form in a system with three or more people, and every member of the system has different roles. 

In my family or origin, we have various subsystems. My parents make up one subsystem, my siblings another, my sisters and I another, my brothers, etc. Within our subsystems, we each have a role to play. For example, my older sister plays the role of the oldest child. She is accustomed to being in change because my parents often left her in charge when they were not home. My younger brother plays the role of the family encyclopedia. He knows random facts about almost everything and he is always helping people learn and sharing his opinion with others. He helps us keep an open mind and to learn about the world around us. My youngest brother is the comedian. He takes everything lightly and can make a joke out of everything. He is always making us laugh and helps us keep the mood light when we are feeling overwhelmed or upset about something. The youngest, my little sister, is the glue of our family. She is always trying to plan activities for all of us and wants us all to spend time together.  

Each of our roles make our family work, and some roles change depending on the subsystem. My role with my older sister is different from my role with my role with my younger siblings. My parents’ role also varies a little bit with each child. They are still play the role of a parent- leading, teaching and loving. However, their relationship with each child is different and their role changes to best help and parent the child. 

Family systems also have rules. Many are spoken rules that everyone understands, but many are unspoken. They are usually learned through experience when someone breaks the unspoken rule. Some rules in my family growing up included:

·     Always show up to sacrament meeting 10-15 minutes early.

·     If you’re going to be late, you let mom or dad know. 

·     Friends are always welcome in the home.

·     If you’re angry, it’ll be your turn to say family prayer.

·     If you got it out, you clean it up. 

·     No phones are allowed at the dinner table. 

·     Eat what mom made or make yourself something else- usually cereal.

·     You can talk to mom or dad about anything. 

·     Family comes first. 

·     You are each other’s cheerleaders. Support and love each other. 

These family rules and roles help the family system function. When roles change or when someone comes into the family, such as an in-law, who does not know the rules, the family system can be disrupted, and it can be difficult to learn how things run in the family system. It’s important to learn how the family runs and do the best to fit the family dynamic. 

My sister and I are both married, and our husbands change the family system from how it was when we were growing up. It has been a learning experience for them, and for my sister and I with our in-laws, to learn how we fit in the family system and what the rules are in each home. 

The roles and rules of the family system help explain how each family functions. The rules help keep the family functioning. Every role is important in the family and makes the family system what it is.