When I was a little girl, my idea of marriage was just like what I saw in fairytales. A pretty white dress, a handsome prince, and a carriage ride off into the sunset. As I grew into a teenager, I never outgrew the idea of "and they lived happily ever after." I thought that defined marriage. Now, as an adult, I'm learning that marriage is so much more.
Everyone has a different idea of marriage. What is marriage? Why do people marry? What does a good marriage look like? Why do marriages end? There are so many opinions, thoughts and ideas, that it's common to come across popular myths of marriage. And these myths are more widely believed than I thought.
One common marriage myth is that happily married couples don't have conflict. Many people believe that if they have conflict with their spouse that their marriage is doomed to failure. This is absolutely not the case. It’s important to recognize that conflict doesn’t mean fighting. Just because couples don’t agree with something, doesn’t mean they fight. I grew up in a home with parents that have different opinions on various topics. That never changed their love or support for one another.
The same is the true for my husband, Bryan, and me. We don’t agree when it comes to certain things, but that never makes me doubt the success of our marriage. It is healthy for people to have differing opinions. Everyone grew up in different environments with different life experiences. We shouldn’t expect people to always agree and avoid conflict. Plus, conflict can help strengthen marriages. When couples face a conflict wisely, they develop and strengthen communication skills and problem solving skills. These are both beneficial for a happy, strong marriage.
Another marriage myth is the idea that half of all marriages end in divorce. That’s an overwhelming idea. Going into a marriage with only a 50% chance of it being successful doesn’t sound very wise. However, it isn’t actually true. It’s extremely difficult to calculate the number of divorces compared to the number of marriages. Also, even though the divorce rate is high, the trend over the past few decades is a declining divorce rate. In the 1970’s, the no-fault divorce law came in the picture and the divorce rate increased greatly. If we would have continued on that trend, we probably could have reached the point where half of all marriages ended in divorce, but the rate has declined since then. We can’t go into a marriage with the idea that it’s going to fail. Half of all marriages don’t end in divorce. And as we work to strengthen our marriages, we can help bring the divorce rate down even lower.
The last myth I’m going to touch on is the idea that opposites attract. How many of us have heard that before? Probably all of us. It’s actually not generally the case. There are some marriages where the couples are exceptionally different and the marriage is successful. For the most part, however, people are attracted to others with the same values, way of life, etc. This isn’t to say that they have similar personalities. My husband and I are very different when it comes to personality, but we do share the same values, similar goals, and a similar lifestyle. This is helpful for our marriage because we can support each other and work together to uphold our values and stay true to our lifestyle.
It’s vital for us to recognize that there are common myths of marriage that cause many to avoid it. It’s a popular trend for people to delay marriage. We need to find the truth in marriage and learn to ignore the myths. As we work to strengthen our marriages with truth, we will have happier marriages, happier families, and happier homes.
